“It’s All in Your Head”: Medical Gaslighting and Fibromyalgia
I used to think I was just being dramatic. That the constant fatigue, the pain, the brain fog — all of it — must be something I’d imagined. After all, the doctors told me so. And medical gaslighting is just a myth perpetuated by people who don’t get the diagnosis they think they should get, right?
Not in those words, exactly. But it was always implied. The long pauses, the shrugged shoulders, the quiet suggestion that maybe I’d feel better if I just lost some weight. I was working part-time in a greengrocer’s at the time — lifting, hauling, constantly on my feet. I was also going to Zumba three times a week. But none of that seemed to matter. They’d run the tests, find nothing “wrong,” and tell me to eat less and move more.
What they didn’t see was what happened after work — the hours I’d crash straight into bed, leaving my then-13-year-old daughter to fend for herself while I ordered takeaway and tried not to cry from sheer exhaustion.
I told one GP I thought it might be fibromyalgia. Her response? “It’s not that. You wouldn’t be able to hold down a full-time job.”
Apparently, having a chronic condition meant I had to be bedridden to be believed.
The Weight of Being Disbelieved
Being overweight didn’t help. In fact, it made everything worse. Every single symptom — the joint pain, the fatigue, the breathlessness — was blamed on my size. No matter how active I was, how clean I ate, how often I showed up saying something’s not right, I was told the same thing: lose weight and you’ll feel better.
It wasn’t just frustrating. It was gaslighting. And not the subtle kind.
A Diagnosis That Changed… Nothing
Eventually, I did get diagnosed with fibromyalgia — but even then, nothing changed. There was no support. No magic treatment. Just a label and the quiet understanding that I was now part of the medically invisible. A diagnosis without a solution.
Then, in January 2021, I got COVID. Badly. I was wiped out for over a month. I was on mirtazapine at the time, and between the medication and the illness, I spiralled. I gained a ton of weight. I couldn’t walk up the stairs without gasping. I couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes. I felt like I was dying, slowly and publicly, while doctors told me to just keep moving.
It wasn’t until I saw a student doctor — someone still learning, still listening — that things changed. She ran a full panel of tests, including an ECG. Turns out the mirtazapine had triggered a heart issue called Long QT syndrome — the same thing linked to sudden adult death.
A more senior GP told me to stop the medication cold turkey (which I later wrote about in this post on my mirtazapine withdrawal). He also noticed my bloodwork showed high platelets and ferritin levels that had been flagged for over a decade, and no one had ever connected the dots.
Living With the Echo of Gaslighting
I’ve finally found a doctor I trust. Not that initial male doctor, despite how amazing he is. The man, as you can imagine, is highly sought after and an appointment with him is like gold dust. But I managed to get in with a female doctor who is just as good and understanding. She refers me when I need help. She listens. But the trauma of being dismissed for so long doesn’t go away easily.
I still don’t have all the answers. I still wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus. I still get dizzy when I stand up or yawn too hard. I stretch and feel like I might pass out. My sleep is rubbish. My fatigue feels like concrete in my veins. But I’m not being gaslit anymore. And that’s something.
Gaslighting Isn’t Just Annoying. It’s Dangerous.
Medical gaslighting is when your symptoms are minimised, dismissed, or blamed on psychological causes — often by healthcare professionals. And the data backs up what so many of us know in our bones:
- A 2022 YouGov poll in the UK found that more than half of women felt they weren’t taken seriously by doctors.
- Women are more likely than men to have their symptoms dismissed as emotional or “all in their head” — particularly when it comes to chronic pain and fatigue.
- And if you’re overweight? A 2023 study published in BMJ Open found that patients with obesity were significantly more likely to be misdiagnosed or to have symptoms attributed solely to weight, even when unrelated conditions were present.
This is not just about bias. It’s about access to proper care, earlier diagnoses, and — quite literally — survival.
If This Is Happening to You
First of all: it’s not in your head. You are not imagining it. Your pain, your exhaustion, your confusion — all of it is valid.
If you’re navigating medical gaslighting, here are some things that helped me:
- Keep a health journal. Write down symptoms, dates, triggers, and how they affect your life. It’s hard to argue with detailed evidence.
- Bring someone with you to appointments. A second voice in the room makes it harder for professionals to brush you off.
- Ask for everything in writing. If a doctor won’t investigate, ask them to note it in your records. It changes the dynamic instantly.
- Don’t be afraid to switch GPs. You deserve care from someone who takes you seriously.
- Trust your gut. If you know something is wrong, keep fighting. Be polite, be persistent, and don’t stop until someone listens.
Final Thoughts
Medical gaslighting is exhausting. It chips away at your confidence, your self-worth, and your hope. And when you live with an invisible illness like fibromyalgia — especially as an overweight woman — it’s often a battle just to be heard.
But there are doctors out there who will listen. There are answers to be found. And if nothing else, there are people — like me, like you — who know what it’s like to be dismissed, and who believe you completely.
You’re not imagining it. And you’re not alone.
